During my meditation today, I had an amazing experience. I have been working on understanding and developing deeper levels of love within my being. I have often read about how fear blocks us from accessing our higher self and our own consciousness. So, if fear is the opposite of love, it makes sense how it is our #1 obstacle in ascending to higher levels. We can only ascend to the higher levels by removing the fear and replacing it with love. Love is the vibration of the higher realms and in my opinion, the most important thing we can be working on in this life time.
But love is a big generic thing that means lots of things to lots of people. There are many emotions/concepts that could be considered sub categories of love. Empathy, Service, Kindness, Happiness, Joy, Gratitude, etc. all stem from Love, in one way or another. Likewise, there are many emotions/concepts that stem from fear… Jealousy, Pride, Selfishness and many specific types of fear such as fear of failure, fear of commitment in a relationship, fear of airplanes, fear of driving, fear of being alone, fear of spiders, etc. The list could go on and on.
About 2 months ago, I attended a conference at Eceti Ranch. One of the speakers, Inelia Benz was asked the question, What is the most important thing that we can do to prepare for ascension? Her answer was simple: “Process Your Fears.” This is not a new concept. I’ve known this for a long time and I agree with it. But there is a difference between knowing this concept and actually digging in and doing it. Its not easy to face your fears and its not comfortable. It involves a restructuring of the way you think and of releasing something that has been controlling your life and progression in one way or another for probably a very long time. Why do we want to run away from our fears instead of facing those that are controlling us? Its because its hard work and things that cause fear make us want to run to safety. So when we run away from it, we think we are going to safety through avoidance. But the truth is that we only give more power to the fear that is controlling us.
I’d like to share an experience I had today, within the last few hours (I want to get it all down while its still fresh! :). As I was doing my meditation and after I had gotten into a very relaxed state, I asked my higher self to show me what I needed to do to accelerate the embodiment of love throughout my being. The answer I got was to work on a specific fear. (Please note that the realization that I needed to work on some specific aspect of fear was an important part of this. Working on fear as a general concept would not work quite the same). Then as I asked about which fear to work on, I felt that I should go with the one related to money. (A little background about this, the last few weeks, I’ve noticed myself struggling more with money than I have been over the past 9 months or so. But the struggle for money is something I have dealt with in the past and in circumstances that were more difficult. Being an entrepreneur is not easy, but I have developed some valuable skills related to my business. I have many successful endeavors and the demand in the market place for my services is quite high. So, the potential to make it big is completely within the realm of possibilities. Yet, it seems like the big deals that could have gone through over the years seemed to fall through and despite my best attempts, things have kind of just kept trucking along, with either just enough to get by or even less than that. Its like there was an imaginary invisible barrier that has prevented me from going beyond just making it and scraping by with the skin of my teeth.)
So as I proceeded further into my meditation, I decided to confront this so called fear of not making enough money and in my mind I commanded the following “Show Yourself!”. As I watched in my mind’s eye, I saw a grey-like cloud develop in front of me and as I looked at it, I could see that it got darker and darker as it got closer to the center. It was almost like there was a pitch black apple seed of sorts that was buried right in the middle of it. But something else amazing happened. As it presented itself to me, there was a sudden realization that what I was looking at was not “The fear of making enough money”… It Was The Fear Of Making “Too Much” Money! It was literally one of those moments when the light turned on and I could truly see what was holding me back. Tears came to my eyes as I knew in that moment what I had just experienced. I felt like I just stumbled upon the Holy Grail of knowledge! I quickly started to think about my life and money and saw clearly that I had the abilities, the talent, the skills to make money! That was not the problem! Nor was the fear of money! Nor was the fear of making enough money! What became clear to me in that moment was that I was a little off in what I was dealing with. I also saw that this imaginary invisible barrier was not imaginary. It was real and it was trying to protect me. Huh??? Protect me from what? Well, I also received that in one or more of my past lives, I had experienced a life where I possessed too much money (probably in the capacity of a banker) and that had resulted in me doing & being a type of person that I was not pleased with. I was probably selfish, unkind & arrogant and hurt other people in the process. The regret and despair I felt was carried over from a previous life was the result of too much money, in my opinion. It was like I had an engrained belief that “Too Much Money Will Ruin Me”. Perhaps there were other beliefs that were passed to me from my parents and other previous experiences in this life. But I knew the belief and fear was somehow connected to a previous life AND IT WAS STILL AFFECTING ME IN THIS LIFE!
It made me realize the following: “How can we truly solve a problem within our lives if we don’t even know what the problem is?”
Too many times, we look at a problem (such as not making enough money) and we think that the underlying cause is that we just need to work harder or find a better job, a better business, or something else that is more superficial in nature. I’m not saying that those things are not the actual cause. Maybe they are for you. But for me, in my experience, there was something deeper that needed to be addressed and the miracle was that I discovered it (but the truth is that I think I’ve always known)… but it just became ever so clear to me. In fact, as I think about it, I can remember so many times when I’ve been presented with an opportunity that I knew would change everything. I’m talking about big deals with clients, partners or service providers that would have made me a very wealthy person. But things just fell through. It was like as I started approaching that invisible threshold, the “Too Much Money Will Ruin You” belief system kicked in and undermined the whole thing.
Now, let’s get back to the issue of It was trying to protect me. While there are certainly many cases where money does contribute greatly to ruining someone, is it always the case? Absolutely not. There are many great wealthy people who have plenty of money and seem to do just fine. It does not ruin everybody. Would it ruin me in this life time? I’d like to think that it wouldn’t, but I will acknowledge that I believe it probably did in the past. So I can see why a false belief system based on an actual past experience would have affected me through my life (up till now).
What to Do
Just knowing what you’re up against really is half the battle. What I realized that was so amazing to me is that I was so close to the issue, yet I wasn’t going at it directly. I was getting close, but for some reason, I wasn’t seeing the whole picture. I do now. So as I looked at this grey cloud, I decided to start sending it my love. I said over and over in my mind, “I love you” “I love you” “I love you”. I felt appreciation for this thing or entity… whatever it was… until I saw it dissolve and disappear into the light. The grey like edges would melt away first and it got smaller and smaller. As it got to the point where just the black seed was left, again I commanded, “Show yourself” I wanted to know what the dark spot represented. And in that moment, I knew it was a particular traumatic experience that had happened in that lifetime that was the catalyst for most all of this. I also knew that for me, it wasn’t important to know the exact details of what happened at this time, but to know that there was a significant experience. So released it. I thanked it. I loved it and like the rest of the grey cloud, I saw it disappear and be transformed into the light. I felt peace in that moment. I held no hard feelings towards others nor the entity thing I saw. I was actually thankful for it. I could see how it has benefited me and helped me learn valuable lessons in this lifetime.
Then I thought about the concern of the entity that having too much money would ruin me. What if I became a billionaire or even a trillionaire? My conscious mind was trying to figure out what would happen if I did become a trillionaire (extreme example, I know). In other words, would it ruin me? As I asked myself the question, I knew automatically that it would. If I had a trillion dollars and there were still people living in poverty in this world, then I would consider myself a bad person for having so much while others had so little. Sure I could donate a few trillion, but I still wouldn’t be satisfied because I can’t think of any reason why I would need even 1 trillion.
Based on that example, I felt I still had to have a limit, even if it was less than a trillion. It was like I was an attorney in the court room arguing the case on behalf of the side of me that wanted to stop “just getting by”. I wanted to experience life with less stress, more abundance, more vacations & more than enough money to do what I wanted to do. Then on the other side of the courtroom was this entity saying that I needed a limit. Otherwise, I would ruin myself. But the idea of setting a tangible limit seemed ridiculous to me. Should abundance be limited? Does God have a limit? So, I could certainly see both sides of the coin here.
Then, I had an idea. The side of me that wanted to stop the “just getting by” nonsense called over the other side. “How about we negotiate?” I said. I really don’t believe that you imposing a limit on me means that I need to struggle. How does that serve people I owe money to? How about my family? What is wrong with experiencing life without the stress? I understand your point of view and you understand mine. So here is what I am willing to offer: “How about we let our Higher Self/God decide what that limit is?” You & I release the need for any kind of limit but allow me full freedom in experiencing abundance in wonderful and amazing ways so I never again have to experience the feeling of just barely making it (or not making it). We both know that our Higher Self knows what is best and He will allow me to increase in prosperity significantly while at the same time help me develop my character to the point where too much money would have any bearing on the character of who I choose to be. Our Higher Self knows best and will help me to have the right balance for my own particular path. So, in that case, will you release the limit? Absolutely was the answer.
After the agreement, I visualized a direct connection from God/Higher Self (within me) to my level of abundance that replaced the entities control that kept me in struggle financially. I was free. I knew that connecting directly to God in this situation was much more healthy than having a false entity belief system do the job. I had to resolve in my mind the contradictory nature of the 2 sides, which finally came together to allow greater abundance in my life.
What that abundance is and will be, I don’t know exactly. I am leaving that up to God/Higher Self (within me), but I do know that the channels of prosperity are open now. We all have a right to that abundance and it doesn’t have to affect us in a negative way!